If Art was just a big mountain of toilet paper, then...

I have to clarify before I go into this post today, that I’m not a lazy person; nor am I a dirty person. However, even I’m grossed out by my… odd laziness. I had recently run out of toilet paper. I actually had a chance to by a massive mountain of toilet paper at Costco while I was buying my rice, but it didn’t come to mind at the time. I always forget to buy some when I go out and whenever I come home ready “to make water”, I say, “Fucking Shit!” when I look at the empty toilet paper roll hanging on the side and I’m sitting helpless on the seat.

I have to do what I haven’t done since I went camping and that is called Drip Dry. A tinkle break that should have lasted less than a minute now lasts for 8 minutes while I sit on the seat and wait for the piss to drip off of me. Making grape juice out of a basket of lemons, I grab a magazine and sit the fucking procedure out. I haven’t had the unfortunate incident of needing to go #2 while I’m in my apartment – thank god I’m never here. If that should happen I would have to actually stop whatever I’m doing, get dressed (I tend to be a bit more nekkid around my apartment than in public) and drive to Safeway. That would be a bitch.

I have now made it priority numero uno to get toilet paper tomorrow when I buy my mini-wheats. I will vow to make an effort not to drip-dry in my own apartment ever again.
My brother just went to bootcamp for the Airforce in Texas. He is a 19-year-old child. He hasn’t done anything in the last 6 years that didn’t involve a computer or an RPG. He is a tall, skinny kid with no ambition or drive to do anything but sit on his ass. My step-mother just gave me his mail address today. He’s going to have the whole family writing to him, so its going to seem like he’s real popular – when really its sympathy and hope mail. Everybody’s hoping that he will make it.

I have to work tonight at 1 am and I’m not asleep… what the fuck is wrong with me? Why can’t I sleep on command!!?
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