Phantoms of Lonliness

Now that school is over I have nothing to do. I sit around and watch the three channels I get on my tele. Other than going to San Francisco to watch Mellowdrone, I'm pretty much pathetic. I wish I could move out right now... I wouldn't have to see my roommate anymore.

I'm on my way to pick up dear old grammy and watch that Johnny Cash movie... then take her out to eat and go grocery shopping. Good thing I'm getting paid for this otherwise I wouldn't be able to do it. She's the biggest bigot in the world! And she cusses too much as well.

I watched 40-year-old virgin last night - okay funny. I wasn't looking forward to this movie because the idea didn't seem funny to me. I rented it because I heard it was hilarious. I found myself laughing out loud a couple of times. I think that it had the right cast. If this movie was shot without the specific actors/comedians it wouldn't have worked. Some jokes are overdone though - the hard-on the morning bit is played out.

I need to do laundry - and I'm not happy about it.

Excuse me, your tongue is in my Mouth

I took three sleeping pills this morning after work (around 8am) and I only slept until 2! I wanted to sleep all day long so that I could catch up on the Z's. Unfortunately my insomnia is winning the battle between it and the pills. I really don't like taking the pills because then I couldn't even begin to sleep without them. I don't mind the drowsiness right now... its the damn sandpaper eye thing. I need to study chemistry so it would be fine for me to sit around and jerk off, but my eyes are stinging with liquid acid metal (if such a thing exists I hope I never come encounters).

5 things that make me think happy thoughts right now.

1. I'm moving out of my apartment Jan. 1st. I won't have to deal with Tardo anymore.
2. I'm going to San Fran to see an awesome band: Mellowdrone, next week. It's the treat I'm eating after the awful dinner: this semester.
3. I worked hard all semester for good grades, and now its paying off so that I can slack on the finals but still pass the classes.
4. I'm out of school for a whole month
5. I might be getting a cellphone on Thursday...

I was actually reaching far for the last two. I guess I don't feel happy about a lot of things. hmmm.. must get new and improved hobbies. ooo, ooo I have one that could replace one of the last two: Robert Jordan #12 book in the Wheel of time series. I will start that big ass book on Friday.

I watched Mr and Mrs. Smith last weekend; for being such a fan of Jolie and Pitt and of movies in general, I sure do take my sweet time watching them. Anyway, the movie was up to what level I thought it would be: satisfactory. I was hoping that it wouldn't be lame. Best scene in the movie was when Jolie's character escapes from her office with her coworkers when Pitt was in the building. Mr. Smith, "ChickenShit!". Mrs. Smith is looking back at him from the roof of another building, "Pussy!". When I get married thats basically going to be my end of the arguments.

Damn it! I ran out of things to write and now I have to study chemistry. I'm suffering from pre-nervous breakdown, on the brink of losing my sanity, stumbling on the sidewalk between chaos and uniform, swaggering back and forth from dark and light... now I'm just procastinating.

Finals Week

I've had 3 and a half hours sleep since noon yesterday... it is 11 now! I can't sleep, this shit job has given me the forsaken gift of insomnia. What the Fuck? I took my Physics final early so that i could sleep for the rest of the day. I think that I missed a huge question on the final because I was incredibly tired. When I got back to the apartment I fell into my fat blanket and was happy. Around 2 my eyes popped open and I instantly had this overpowering feeling of loneliness. It felt sooo weird to have this feeling, it made me feel incredibly sad. So sad that I didn't want to move; I also felt like I would feel that way even if I had people around me. That feeling sucked but I was also curious about how and why I got that feeling.

Instead of studying chemistry like I should, I've been watching reruns ever since I woke up this afternoon. Not true, I watched Ellen Degeneras and then got over my weird lonely feeling. She cracks me up.

Right now I'm listening to a Bright Eyes song... don't know the title but its making me feel mellow. I rented a movie: Dukes of Hazzard. I know, I know. Everyone told me that it sucked but I had to see for myself. Bad acting mixed with bad storyline, but OMFG! that car is awesome *wipes drool*. I also rented suspect zero for when I'm working. I've wanted to watch this for awhile but haven't gotten around to it. Now I get to sit in a stinky office, with scratchy eyes and "study for finals" while watching this movie. I'm not too worried about finals because I've worked hard all semester and now it has paid off so that I could slack on my last tests. Woopee.

I'm almost going to take drastic measure to cure this lonely feeling in a couple of weeks, if it doesn't go away. I might just grab a random guy and make him a boyfriend just to use him to fill this stupid feeling I have. Poor future boyfriend, he never knew what hit him. Its okay, me gives him lots of sex.

My Eyes Burn like Taco Bell Hot Sauce

I just finished one section of my homework and it only took 3 hours. I need to finish one more section and I think that it won't be easy. Since I don't have internet at my apartment and the HSU library does, I have to utilize it somehow. However, there is a problem with their schedule and mine. I work until 1 am tonight but they close at1 am tonight. I still need to finish my online homework. What a dilema! I usually bring my laptop to school and use their wireless hotspots. One of their wireless hotspots is on the bottom floor, hmmm... the wheels are turning.

I have a plan: After work I am going to drive to school but park on the public road so that cops don't think that somebody has parked on in the school parking lot and is smoking pot. I will trek up to the side of the HSU library where the wireless hotspot is used by people inside the building and I will sit, in the cold, on the outside of the building, in the dark doing my homework. Sounds insane... I'll tell you how it went. I think that I might have trouble with the homeless people that sleep on campus. Nobody knows where they sleep but I have a funny feeling that they sleep in my new homework spot. Must bring Brenda my trusty wooden bat that will bash in hobo's heads.

I have to go to work now... so this may be my last blog, because I might become queen of the humboldt hippi hobos tonight! Hail me or fear me, bitches.

I've noticed a sequence that plays into my blog. The only time I blog is when I plan on doing homework in the library. Today I have two hours to finish up chemistry online homework; I went to the Depot (dougnuts, diet pepsi: 3 dollars) walked up 15,000 flights of stairs (expended breakfast calories: 2.50 dollars) and now I'm using up the universities online resources (mucho dollars). All this money is going to waste so that I could type into my blog. I had a perfectly good plan to execute the last shitty homework I have and now I may have to skip class so that I could have 3 hours of homework time before work.

Today was the last day I got to sit behind cute boy in chemistry. I have been fighting this old witch for the seat all semester, sometimes I win, sometimes she wins. It all depends when the teacher using the classroom prior lets his class out 1 minute early or not. I'm always there waiting to get into the classroom and as soon as he lets out his class I bolt in there and tackle my seat so that I could have a good view of cute boy. Today was the last day to try to get into his pants and I failed in getting the seat. Eh, there will always be other boys to play with.

I am actually really scared of my finals. I don't even know where to start. Actually calculus is cake... but chemistry is cumulutive. I have to fucking learn everything all over again. AAAhh! Physics is a little better, the final is just on angular momentum and circular motion, all that shit.

I have to work tonight so that means that I... get... to... study! I wish that I could just win the lottery already. Why can't it just work out, man?

Okay, stressing too much. Now I'm going to listen to Acid Jazz and finish up crappy homework.

Euphoria of Cold Medicine in Play

I don't know if this good feeling that I'm getting is because I'm so sick that I'm starting to hallucinate or its the effect of the drugs. I usually don't take medicine for my minor illness' because I would like my body to fight off the virus so that it would be healthier. Today is not the case. I have a full day of school and I wouldn't make my peers too happy if I were slobbering and snotting in the back corner of the classroom. I still have a cough but now I'm just feel weak and tired. I can't really think that fast either.

I was trying to do some calculus homework before my 2 o'clock class but since the effects are so deafening I couldn't finish it. I currently have a low B, and without this homework I will have an even lower B. But I always do well on the tests so I think that I will get a solid B by the end of the semester. I also have a B in Chemistry - teacher says that if I do well on the final I could have an A. I'm not sure if I want to push myself to excellence... I'm fine with a little above average. I have a C in Physics, and I just missed last lab! I practically slept for 2 days. I have to do well for the test so that I could possibly get a B in that class. That would be awesome to show my parents an A and two B's. They thought this schedule was too much for me - HA!

The only motivation for me to wake up early to go to class is the hope that the cute guy will talk to me and maybe I could charm my way into a date. After my alarm went off I struggled for 20 minutes about this, because that last couple of times I would go to class we wouldn't barely talk. I finally decided to go because I might learn something from class. Again the treasured moments of conversation were anticlimatic. I asked if he was ready for the final and he shrugged. Thats all we had time for. boo hoo. I think he would make a great lay, but not sure if we would mesh well if we had a relationship. since the semester is almost over and there is no more hope to get into the boy's pants, I will keep the fantasy and move on. The fantasy is always better than the real thing anyway, isn't it?

Now it is time for my nap - or what the teacher calls it, Calculus Class.

I wish it were fatal.

Ah! I hate being sick. I had to work last night and I was sooo very miserable. Everytime I had to walk outside I died a little inside my heart. I hate being sick. I slept all day, from 8 in the morning till 4 this afternoon. I felt so depressed because I had missed the day. I also missed my lab. I slipped the last lab underneath the teachers door and wrote a note saying, "I'm calling in a sick day. Tell my lackey it isn't fatal." Lackey meaning my lab partner. That dork rode on my coattails the whole semester.

I came to the library initially to do homework and I feel so horrible that I want to cry. All I want is to feel better and not feel so tired. Since I feel so ill, I am pissed off at everybody - totally weird to me. I was walking from Ray's to my car in a straight line and I could see this little old lady was walking toward my path. I could see that we were going to collide if one of us didn't move. In the end I diverted my path by a smidge and I was sooo angry at that little old lady for making me do that. I know, I know. Overreacting a tid bit, but thats the way I feel. I hate having the chills.

I want to set the world on fire and sit in it.

Short and Sweet

I got a credit card; however, I can only charge up to 300 dollars! Ha, wtf? Which means I can only charge gas. I've no news. I just finished math homework, considerably easy. I want to go home but I believe Tardo will be there.

I went to HSU men's basketball game. Mostly to watch a friend play... he played for 6 minutes in the first half. It was stuffy and hot for the rest of the game. They won by 6 points or so.

It took me a whole 10 minutes to decide to get out of bed this morning. The only reason I did was so that I could possibly talk to cute guy in chemistry and it was anticlimatic. We talked about my test and that was it. I have one week to shmooze him and that is a deadline I really don't think I can handle.